S4:E8 Making New Dreams with Lauren White Murphy
Super Brain Blog – Season 4 Episode 8
Making New Dreams with Lauren White Murphy
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- 00:11 – A shy young musician
- 03:37 – Singing and songwriting
- 08:34 – Ghost writing
- 10:43 – American Horror Story
- 11:37 – my rant about the lack of neurological health care
- 14:57 – MS ambassador
- 17:04 – sight loss, pain and loss of balance
- 20:55 – You’re falling down – it must be the drink since your Irish
- 22:58 – coping with diagnosis alone
- 25:26 – not wanting to be a burden
- 28:00 – The urge to paint
- 31:49 – Lauren gifts Sabina a painting
- 36:27 – Savant syndrome
- 45:35 – manifesting
- 1:00:00 – PTSD
- 1:09:00 – Lauren’s tips for thriving and surviving in life
Brochure for Lauren’s Art Exhibition at the IFSC, Custom House Plaza in Dublin 1
LoloPopWorld on Instagram
LoloPopArt on Twitter
Lauren White Murphy was born (prematurely) in Dublin in 1988. As a young child she showed a keen interesting in music playing both the saxophone and clarinet in bands and orchestras at school. After taking a course in songwriting at school Lauren was hooked and became convinced she would be the next Bono. Not one to rest on her laurels the teenage Lauren went knocking on RTE’s door looking to work as and learn more about songwriting. Her first song was given to the then hot band Belfire and became their first single. Lauren sparked up a songwriting partnership with Niall Mooney which continues today. Together they have written songs for Ireland and other countries for the Eurovision and other song contests. Lauren became a ghost writer and was signed by Warner Bros. After studying music in college she moved to LA in 2013 to pursue her career in music and also in acting. Five years and a marriage later and Lauren found herself falling down (literally) and felt her once fluid songwriting skills slipping away. After multiple investigations Lauren was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis a few weeks short of her 30th birthday in 2018. Her partner struggled with Lauren’s diagnosis and so thousands of miles away from family Lauren struggled to cope home alone until one day she had the urge to paint. She had been filling her days watching reruns of reality TV shows and these became the first subjects of her drawings. Track forward three years and Lauren has transformed into an accomplished artist and passionate MS ambassador.
MS Ambassador Lauren and I appeared on Ireland AM for World MS Day in May 2021
Over to You
We all face challenges in life. Thankfully not all are as life-changing as those faced by Lauren. Nonetheless, the worst challenge we face in life is always our worst challenge until we face something more difficult. I’d love to hear how you have coped with challenge. Did you something, like Lauren found art, that boosted your resilience helped you to cope.
This transcript has been prepared by AI. It may contain errors but I simply don’t have the resources (human or financial) to edit it. Volunteers willing to do so are more than welcome simply email me firstname.lastname@example.org
Dr Sabina Brennan 00:01
Hello, and welcome to super brain the podcast for everyone with a brain. My name is Sabina Brennan. And today I want to excuse the sound of my voice, and probably some stuttering, etc. That will go on because I’m actually feeling a little bit under the weather. But thankfully, my guest today is Lauren white Murphy. And the last time we met, she can talk as much as I can talk. So I think I’m kind of in safe hands today. If my brain starts to work, I think Lauren might actually jump to the rescue and save me. Anyway, thank you so much for tuning in. You are in for an absolute treat. Lauren has gosh, she’s just a lesson in how to thrive in life, particularly in the arts, which can be quite a challenge, but also on how to survive. And you know what, let’s just go straight in and we’re just going to do the plain old fashioned let’s start from Lauren’s childhood and work our way through her really fascinating story. So music has been a big part of your life since you were very young,
Lauren White Murphy 01:05
very young. Yeah. So firstly, hi, thank you for having me on. Welcome. I absolutely loved the podcast. I didn’t listen. So yeah, a little bit about me. And music was my go to since I was a child, I was known in school for ish, I won all the awards. I started off in a marching band and Crumlin and just excelled from there. I just really had such a passion for
Dr Sabina Brennan 01:27
- So you’re in a marching band. So did you play the clarinet or
Lauren White Murphy 01:31
Yeah, I actually paid the clarinet and saxophone. They’re my two instruments. But my mother had me in piano lessons and everything because I actually was a very shy child, very, very shy, even like pink and back. And now I’m like, Oh, God, I just get to know in my stomach of how shy I was.
Dr Sabina Brennan 01:46
But I think people have a misconception. I’m very chatty. I’m very sociable. But I would argue that I’m shy in that. You see, there’s this sense that being shy is looking down and not saying I think Lady Di you know, the eyes down and know, and being afraid to talk. But actually, sometimes it can manifest in a different way. I often talk way too much. And I think it’s kind of covering up you’re kind of afraid of gaps, you’re you know, your stomach is kind of going and you’re just kind of trying to make things Okay,
Lauren White Murphy 02:15
yeah. And I usually come out with the most useless information like you know, did you know that like the takes a billion trillion steps to get to the moon? You know, just be stupid, stupid things. Just to cover that. Yeah, yeah,
Dr Sabina Brennan 02:28
I have that. I always envied people who in fact, I worked with someone. And I always envied him. You could be in the pub after work. And he would just come over, join whatever group you were with, and go Hi. And then just stand there. Oh, listen to conversation, you know, like, people would have thought, Oh, you’re real confident, and he’s real Shy. would never have had the confidence to do that to just go over to a group join it, and expect everyone to just say, yeah, that’s okay. contributing anything.
Lauren White Murphy 02:56
Yeah. When I got older, I kind of would have done bash, I put that aside, you know, yes, we
Dr Sabina Brennan 03:01
hear more. Because your tenacity I want to talk about so you started off in a marching band, and you played clarinet, saxophone and clarinet. And then you moved on because you played multiple instruments. So you mentioned piano there.
Lauren White Murphy 03:13
Yeah, my whole childhood just stay in learn instruments. I was just fascinated. I honestly thought I was going to be the next panel, right? Like I really did. But in a sense, where I didn’t want the big fame or I didn’t like all the attention. I liked working in the background. And I like to work with a team that’s why I loved being in a marching band and have been in orchestras in school and things like that.
Dr Sabina Brennan 03:37
When did you discover that you had a voice because part of my research I love doing we did an episode a week before last where we tried something that where I wouldn’t do any research and then discovered I missed a huge thing that I had in common with my guests. Ah, she actually played me in a play like can you imagine you missed that opportunity to talk about that? Oh, quality and there was a book that a day in me and when I was actually just putting the episode up because we said oh, let’s do a winger because she does stand up comedy and I said, Well, let me try and do it. And was only when I was doing her bio and I said she was in a DMA and then I messaged her and you can make a mess if you wanted to play and um so I will never not do my research again, but actually doing research on you was just such a treat. I wasn’t sleeping the other night actually. Because as I mentioned earlier, not feeling well. And I took the opportunity to look at your SoundCloud and have a listen. Oh my God, you have the sweetest voice hanker? Absolutely oh my god it just because I was quite stressed but it just enveloped me you really beautiful voice and I didn’t know whether those songs are on your SoundCloud. Did you write those songs?
Lauren White Murphy 04:48
They’re mine. Yeah, yes. I think I signed on to the tracks. And then I had some a demo singer for the big belty song. Not me. Yeah, that’s not me. But I write like that.
Dr Sabina Brennan 04:59
Yeah, you kind of do. interested in how you kind of described them? I think one you had called Pop, but I think you had one folksy pop or something like
Lauren White Murphy 05:05
the corps? Yeah, yeah. And I have them to tank because they are still my favorite bond. And they’re the reason that I got into write music Well, so like I was in school, and I started, like, I was in transition year, and we did like a songwriting course, wow, for a day. And my song got chosen and how to perform in front of the whole school and common from like, this shy person, I think out of 1516. I was like, Okay, this is happening. They’re saying I’m good at this. So let’s give it a go. So I don’t do anything in half measures. So I just did my research. And I actually just, I went into a party and I was pitching songs there for I think the TV show was your star at the time.
Dr Sabina Brennan 05:50
Wow. Was that like straight after? Were you just a teen when you did this?
Lauren White Murphy 05:54
Oh, yeah. I wrote my first song actually was given to Belle fire. I don’t know if you remember them. But
Dr Sabina Brennan 05:59
one of the sisters,
Lauren White Murphy 06:01
I think was the sisters. Yeah,
Dr Sabina Brennan 06:02
yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. The connection. I love it. One of the marks became a psychologist.
Lauren White Murphy 06:09
Yeah, he wrote a song for them. And then people in our tea got in contact with me. And Niall Mooney was one of them. He’s done a lot of songwriting for Ireland for different stuff. We have been writing partner since I was a teen. And we did so many revisions together for Ireland for Malta. I went off and it’s different Azerbaijan and Denmark and different countries.
Dr Sabina Brennan 06:33
Oh my god. So can people find these songs to listen to?
Lauren White Murphy 06:37
Well, so I can definitely put them up. But publishing and my publisher at the time they were like, no, because I used to have everything online. And they’re like, you can’t because what I do is I used to take the songs that I have, and I would reinvent them. So that song that you listened to the other night, just say it’s probably about six different songs. I mean, okay, I have to tell the difference. Yeah, gotcha. Gotcha. And I’ve kind of stepped away from the songwriting just because of the MS. And we’ll talk more about that. Yeah, because it did affect it, unfortunately. But I just want to let you know, I did get picked for this year’s Junior Eurovision. Yes. Just for the kids to song that we wrote. I’d say there five years ago, myself, Niall. I think we got through there last year and the year before. So I just take
Dr Sabina Brennan 07:20
like you just as powerhouse. I just so this shy girl and you just took this tenacity? Was it that you just didn’t think about it? Do you think or like when you say I went indoor to eat? Did you just like, show
Lauren White Murphy 07:33
up? No, I did my research of who’s who? Right. Okay. Don’t talk to me. How will I get in there and not be a nutcase. You know, I had to have the proof to code, right. Yeah, yeah. But I could do and this is what I wanted to do. I wanted to actually work in order T. My thing I wanted to just be around media, TV, radio, music, octane. And I
Dr Sabina Brennan 07:57
always wanted to just yeah, you know,
Lauren White Murphy 07:59
I never knew which part I actually fit in. If you get me. Yeah. So I felt like I had to work really, really hard with the music. And I wrote when I got the MS then yeah, that’s when I was like, Okay, I actually did really have to work hard. Because when I got diagnosed in April 2018, we can go back to that though. Everything just it’s like, it just fell out of my head. Right. And I couldn’t even hold my instrument properly. It just felt so foreign
Dr Sabina Brennan 08:26
to me, you know? Oh, my goodness.
Lauren White Murphy 08:28
So yeah, leading up into that. That’s what I did for what? 15 years, my life.
Dr Sabina Brennan 08:34
I know. But like you’re just talking or to eat, but you actually moved to the US.
Lauren White Murphy 08:38
Oh, yeah. I moved to the US. Now. You became a ghostwriter. Yeah, that’s what by chance,
Dr Sabina Brennan 08:43
was it tell me how that happened. And explain to people what being a ghost writer
Lauren White Murphy 08:48
- Okay. So ghost writing is usually generally for writing books. Okay. Yes. So how I got into it was it’s like a risk, okay. I was with Warner Brothers publishing, and I got connections and whatever. They would send me a song and they would have writers on it and they can’t come up with a good hook. They can’t come up with a good verse, etc. Do your magic on that. Okay, you my magic gone bus sends it back. They like it. They’re like, do you want to credit on it? Or would you like the money? Me are 2122 I want the few bob do like I said, I never wanted to be you. They’re famous thing. Like, if I did have anything like that, I would want to be in the background. I felt like I was the gym core. I just like I knew that I wanted to create something forever in music. So I didn’t care if I got the credit or not because I didn’t you
Dr Sabina Brennan 09:48
know, can I ask you so when they said do you want the credit or to be paid as a ghostwriter? Was there no option for you to get credit and royalties?
Lauren White Murphy 09:56
Yes, but the risk was huge. And I was telling So I had somebody in my ears be like now it’s gonna be a flop take the money,
Dr Sabina Brennan 10:04
and wherever any of them big hits, it
Lauren White Murphy 10:08
kills me to say, hits but I mean, they did well on TV shows or, you know, I got the satisfaction that I was looking for. Yeah. And I as a person as well as gets bored very easily so right. I like to jump on to the next thing and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I got songs in front of Rihanna, Katy Perry. And so I thought I was like, I’m so close to I’m so close to I’m going to get the credit on these big ones. Yeah. And then that’ll be it. But it didn’t work out. Right. Okay. And that’s fine. That’s fine.
Dr Sabina Brennan 10:37
But you did get I mean, in my research, one of your songs was on the disk for American horror show
Lauren White Murphy 10:43
the American Horror Story. Yeah, yeah. And that was actually brilliant. Because in Beverly Hills a time they had like a little pop up Museum. It was a freak show was the freak show season. I did. And they had a popup on my music was playing through. And I have no clue was actually one of my friends. I said, Did you write this? And then I went down, and I heard and it was just unbelievable. And even. It was paying on FX on American television when they were doing the trailer for the show. And I was just like, oh, geez, Cup twice on? Yeah.
Dr Sabina Brennan 11:14
Oh, my goodness, that is just amazing. You know, amazing.
Lauren White Murphy 11:19
I always felt especially when I moved to America, how to keep your feet on the ground? How to stay humble, you know? Yeah, Mommy would be very, very disappointed if I turned into you know, somebody that I’m not and I well, I
Dr Sabina Brennan 11:30
can’t see you turning into anything you’re not. When we met. I just felt like I knew you forever.
Lauren White Murphy 11:34
Yes, an instant connection. Yeah.
Dr Sabina Brennan 11:37
And we’ve never actually never met in person. So I should explain to people you’ve alluded to it here, I do a lot of work with the multiple sclerosis Association of Ireland, and indeed, sort of internationally, I’m very interested in supporting people with conditions that affect the brain. And I am very passionate about it, because it just anything to do with neurological conditions just seems to fall through the cracks. There aren’t the supports for people, there aren’t the treatments they should have. And that’s mainly because I’m on a little rant here, folks. But there’s no harm in that. That’s mainly because medical care systems were set up before we had any real knowledge of the role that the brain has in various conditions. So we have physical health is looked after blindness is looked after mental health in later years is looked after. But even things like dementia, if you think about it, you were just considered crazy. And you’re put in a bad limb. And in fact, actually probably for a lot of neurological conditions, similar things happened because the brain affects you in such strange ways. So not just in Ireland, across the globe, really neurological conditions absolutely fall through the cracks. They’re not mentioned specifically in health plans. And therefore that means they don’t get the resources that they need. And I mean, particularly neurologists are, there’s just not enough of them. And so there’s huge waiting lists. And then there’s also really what I call, we call it a postcode lottery within countries, but with multiple sclerosis, across countries, there’s a dreadful disparity in that medical treatment has progressed immensely in the last few years for multiple sclerosis, which is a degenerative disease, which had dreadful prognosis for people really gradually lost mobility and wheelchairs were kind of quite common. The medication has just, it’s been phenomenal. And it’s changed people’s lives. But I spoke at the young ms conference just the year before COVID. So 2019, in Lithuania, I think it was, and I was just horrified to see so many young people in chairs and disabled, basically, because their country doesn’t have the funding doesn’t have access to the and the funding for the treatment. And like one of the girls, she had gone over for one trip to Germany, and the difference that had made to her life was phenomenal. And actually the treatment was only 500 euro, but that was just beyond what was available in our country. Anyway, that’s my little rant, folks. But do educate yourself around that because we need more voices of people behind us to say that neurological conditions need proper supports across all aspects.
Lauren White Murphy 14:15
That’s interesting to say there, Sabina, sorry to interrupt there. But yeah, no, go ahead. It’s like me, I’m back from America two years now this month, and I’m still on a waiting list or year to get my dad to get an MRI just to get on the same page over here. As I were in the US, you know, MSR Ireland has been fantastic like they have really helped me in every way and they will put me in the right direction as have you. I think when we spoke in May, for the MS Awareness Day. I don’t actually think everything sunk in every all the neurological diseases and how tough it is for everybody. I remember saying I think we were on Ireland am
Dr Sabina Brennan 14:59
we were on Ireland day. Yeah, sorry, just to track back, folks. So basically, yeah, sort of every year, there’s a ms Awareness Day, you know, most Awareness month it’s kind of in May is the day, and various TV shows and radio shows are great Ireland am I’ve been very good. I’ve been on a couple of years in a row. And literally usually there’s what they call a patient advocate. So it’s basically somebody to give a face to MS and tell their story. So this year was you learn and you do have a very fascinating story, which will come to
Lauren White Murphy 15:25
diamond. Ms. Ambassador, I do have to say that I am and I’m very proud of that, because I do.
Dr Sabina Brennan 15:30
Yes. And you’re a very good Ms. Ambassador, you know, because I do think it’s sometimes when the word patient is used, people think of someone who’s in bed, sick and helpless. And you’re far from that, although you can be taken to bed.
Lauren White Murphy 15:44
Yes, I do. I have the bad days, you know. And, Sabina, that’s something I really struggle with, even up until last week, like my mother had to sit me down and say, Listen, you need to talk to us. Because I know from my experience, we keep everything to ourselves, I feel like a burden, or I have felt a burden, you know, and I was always go, go go go, you know, there. And I’m just not that person anymore, even though I try
Dr Sabina Brennan 16:13
I think in a way, and I’m not speaking for you, but I think you are but I think this is quite common with Ms. And indeed, even conditions, say autoimmune conditions as well, or people who have something that’s chronic, there’s a sense of when the days are good, you got to make the most of them and do loads, particularly when we’re always doing loads. And it’s totally understandable. But it does backfire. Because then what happens is you kind of have a bit of a relapse, or you need to kind of recover. And it’s about finding that balance, balance that balance, I should say, you know, we’ve had to cancel a couple of times we were meant to kind of record because you were simply just really not well, but prior to that you’d been off back in LA. Okay, folks, right, sorry. We need to fill them in on the proper story. So you’re in LA and what started to go miss what did you notice first?
Lauren White Murphy 17:04
So I thought I was just getting older. I wasn’t I was in my mid 20s. So my balance was the first thing and then I never had any problems with my eyesight, but I started to lose sight in my left eye. Then I was just getting numbing pains. All it actually affected the left side of my body first.
Dr Sabina Brennan 17:23
You just describe that because numbing pain numbing sounds like a misnomer. So yeah, I wouldn’t feel but yet it was pain or
Lauren White Murphy 17:31
didn’t feel anything. I would pick something up and fall actually I probably wouldn’t even be able to grasp it. And then it was just this piercing pain all the way through. Okay, I ignored it. I put everything onto the carpet. I defy and get no old it’s airlaid gone I’m from Ireland. I’m not used to this weather you know that’s what I thought it was but
Dr Sabina Brennan 17:52
your ice ice? Yeah. Never had. Do you just think you maybe needed glasses.
Lauren White Murphy 17:57
Oh yeah. Go I went to an opticians and got the whole test done. And they were like, Huh, okay. There’s a term optic neuritis? Yes, yes. Yeah. I was like, okay, all right.
Dr Sabina Brennan 18:09
No, right. Oh, you may just means inflammation and neuro means nerve. And so optic, is it? So it’s basically just an inflammation of the nerve behind that guy. Yeah. Did they get it don’t just and I don’t mean just, it’s a very painful thing
Lauren White Murphy 18:21
painful and I couldn’t see. And I was I just didn’t know what was going on. And then the falling started. So you asked me before about my business mind of things. Yeah. Right. So I actually just wanted to meet people. And I ran a few restaurants in Beverly Hills and West Hollywood, Burbank, and that’s how I got my business mind. But I noticed it start to affect my daily life and work. How in what way? So I was a general manager of a really successful restaurant. And my legs would just give way and I would fall, I was dropping things. And then it was just pain. It actually the very first pain I remember it started in my foot in my left foot, right. And I couldn’t put any pressure on it. And I was trying to think back. So I did I twisted that I kicked something. Yeah, there was nothing. I just did not know what it was. So then I think I had a chat with my mom on FaceTime. And she’s like, You have to go to the doctor, you have to stop doing this. Because I was 16 I was diagnosed with a diagnosis that there was celiac disease. And I just thought it was that and I thought maybe you know, moved to America, different foods. I’m not used to it. I was just putting excuses for everything.
Dr Sabina Brennan 19:36
So Celiac disease is really you can process gluten gluten, which is in a larger food.
Lauren White Murphy 19:41
Yeah. So I was really strict with us, you know? And so things like that. Then my speech started to act up. And at that time, I decided, hey, I’m going to try the acting thing too. I done a bit of acting in Ireland before I left jack of all trades, and it’s crazy. It’s crazy creative. Yeah, yeah. And I started to get successful doing little bits here and there. I did NCIS did an episode of that. So NCIS is the exact law program, you know, the
Dr Sabina Brennan 20:14
crime in something or other investigation? Yeah, I
Lauren White Murphy 20:16
don’t I? Yeah,
Dr Sabina Brennan 20:18
I must look it up. NCIS I do know, but I don’t know why.
Lauren White Murphy 20:20
I have never watched anything I’ve been in. No, no, because I can’t stand myself. But that’s probably so when I was learning lions and stuff, I used to be brilliant at retaining information. I started to affect my auditions. I knew myself look, do I want to do this? To do would I want to be successful and have people talk about my speech or about this is wrong, or that’s wrong? I didn’t feel comfortable.
Dr Sabina Brennan 20:46
What did people say when your legs started collapsing? Or you’re Irish? Or you’re drinking? Yeah, that’s kind of what I was going to say. Really? And I
Lauren White Murphy 20:55
never really drank honestly, I like yours. I’ve seen some really great drink, but I’ve never found the drink or anything like that. So starts to go and take it serious went to the doctors to be in took about four years. Yeah. numerous tests, MRIs, spinal tap blood, they’re stuck. And the amount of wrong diagnosis that I gosh, I think lupus was one of them. Rheumatoid arthritis. Yeah. You know, I don’t know, if they’re all off immune, maybe they are
Dr Sabina Brennan 21:26
autoimmune. Yeah. And the thing is, Multiple Sclerosis is autoimmune in that autoimmune just means your immune system attacks itself. And in particular, so I have sjogrens. And so my autoimmune system tax the moisture Danzer my body, where the endocrine system, in multiple sclerosis, it attacks the myelin sheets. So in your brain, your brain communicates by electrical and chemical signals, and literally transmits information from one brain cell to another or from one brain cell, to the cells and the rest of your body in your periphery. So in your arms and your legs, and a bit like electricity in your house, it’s prone to crossing over of signals. So like the cables in your house, you have to have rubber around the electric. And so the brain makes these myelin sheets. So they’re the white matter in your brain, the cells, the gray matter. And basically, they make sure that the signals don’t get interrupted, they don’t cross talk with each other. And they also help the speech that the signals travel with. So with Ms. The body attacks that white matter, and that’s why things go wrong. So the message doesn’t get to your legs or against crossed and you actually fall similarly with your speech and, and that sort of thing. But also MS is also considered a degenerative neurological condition as well, because it affects the brain and because it can progress. There are a couple of types of Ms. There’s relapsing and remitting, as the name sort of suggests, and then there’s secondary progressive. Yeah. So you have relapsing remitting.
Lauren White Murphy 22:58
Yes, I do. Yeah. I feel like I do very, very well, most weeks, and then something will just kick off. And I’m just down for the count, you know? Yeah, I think as well, like I said, when we were chatting, a long time ago, when I was in LA, I did not have the support that I needed. And for anyone going through this or anything neurologically, or immune system or anything at all, you need to have your support.
Dr Sabina Brennan 23:28
So were you living alone, I actually was married.
Lauren White Murphy 23:31
I was that I wanted to get
Dr Sabina Brennan 23:34
married. Oh my goodness, we mixed up
Lauren White Murphy 23:39
in tears and 16 and I just got divorced. So
Dr Sabina Brennan 23:44
that’s one of the reasons you went back to LA Yeah,
Lauren White Murphy 23:46
I needed to sort things out but paying for everything. I think I just found a person that just wasn’t able to take care of me, I suppose to take care of themselves. You know,
Dr Sabina Brennan 23:57
just like work. So you got diagnosed after you got married
Lauren White Murphy 24:01
after I got married at all and
Dr Sabina Brennan 24:03
just yeah, just wasn’t able to give you this or presume your partner was also young.
Lauren White Murphy 24:10
Very young. Yeah. younger than me actually. Yeah. All right. Okay. Okay. Since then, though, I’ve met somebody and oh, just Oh, yeah. Oh, I’m engaged again. Yeah, I know I
Dr Sabina Brennan 24:21
I move quick, romantic.
Lauren White Murphy 24:24
I know, you know, and I have to create support was very, very difficult for my mom because when she first found out, she just knew somebody that passed away from Ms. Okay, so she even said to me there a few weeks ago, you know, it took me a long time Lauren to really come to terms with this. And because as well I just put brave face on Yeah, a lot of the time because it is mind over matter it I love my brain. I love everything. I just love my brain and your brain. You are your brain and your soul, you know, and yeah I just then had to say, look, when I need help, I just have to go out and say it. I can’t live this lie of, oh, I’m okay. I’m okay. Because it won’t, nothing will ever go right.
Dr Sabina Brennan 25:11
The thing with MS is the symptoms can be quite far reaching. And actually some of the most challenging ones, as you kind of alluded to there around brain fog, you know, when your brain just isn’t working properly, but also fatigue, where you can do nothing.
Lauren White Murphy 25:26
I hate that. I hate that. And I feel so guilty. I feel like a burden. Like I said, because my parents are on their days off, I want to be able to win things. And you know, I want to enjoy life. But now I’m stuck in a bed and yeah, emotional and crying, five, nothing to actually cry about
Dr Sabina Brennan 25:48
who else except that you can do what you want. You know, I mean, I think that’s something to cry about. I think that’s okay. I mean, I do think I hear it a lot across people is that is what I mentioned earlier, that challenge of not taking too much advantage of the days where you feel brilliant. Yeah. I mean, I think that applies across a lot of conditions. I remember actually speaking to Patrick crane, and him talking about kind of feeling depressed, I sort of saying, Well, look, you know, I don’t have MS or anything like that, but I definitely have cycles, and my father had manic depression. And that goes in cycles. But I have periods where I can just work, work, work, work, work, be creative, and close, bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla. And then I’m just done, boom, you had a while and I’m bummed, I’m gone. I hit a wall. Yeah. And that’s kind of my pattern as well. And I remember sort of saying it to Patrick trade on that particular episode. And he said, Oh, actually, maybe that’s what just happens to me. And he was calling it being depressed. Yeah, I think, you know, maybe for some of us, that’s the way it is. But I do think I suppose when you’ve got something like MS, where it is neuro degenerative, where if you actually do take more care of yourself, you can limit the progression and the damage that your disease can be causing and also the functional impact because at the end of the day, it’s the functional impact that matters. The thing that’s stopping you functioning, doing what you want to do, and it’s
Lauren White Murphy 27:12
important as well though to eat right, you know, every balance and everything is right, get exercise. laughs actually,
Dr Sabina Brennan 27:19
yeah, that’s my favorite one is it’s funny, like things have progressed. Like we really are still just learning about the brain and probably the person that your mum was talking about, who died with Ms. I mean, initially people with MS were just told to take bedrest, you know. And that actually just progressed as the disease now, people are told to take exercise, you know that they must exercise no matter how challenging or difficult it is, even
Lauren White Murphy 27:44
if it’s a stroll, five minutes stroll. Yeah, just to clear your head. The lovely Irish rather
Dr Sabina Brennan 27:51
lovely at the moment, though, it’s really nice. It is. So you’ve eventually then got this diagnosis of MS. When you were in LA? Yes. You took to your room, in a way
Lauren White Murphy 28:04
I had a moment. Yeah. And my ex partner was working all the time, it just suck. We won’t even get into that. I was on my own. And I decided I need to do something, I need to do something and painting just clicked in my brain, you need to go to the art shop and get yourself some paints. And let’s see what we can do. So I used it as a therapy initially, I was like, Oh God, I can actually draw a straight line. You know what I mean? And I just, that’s what I did for 18 hours a day because I wasn’t sleeping really. And then I was getting a bit better. I heard that sound a Blair came out and told everyone she had Ms. For that Asher got a piece to her. I just wanted to do it to make myself feel better. And just to give something to somebody. I know we’re going through the same thing. So we had a lovely exchange. And you
Dr Sabina Brennan 29:00
know, on social media was a social media on Instagram, actually, yeah. Isn’t social media. And I give out about as a loss. It can be assessed pitch for want of a better word. Yeah, time. But it can also amazing things can happen. People connect with other people in a really meaningful way.
Lauren White Murphy 29:17
I had emailed her manager and just gave a little background. I kind of do that first. So I’m not just any old Joe. So yeah, that’s messaging you some crap. You know what I mean? And I got a piece to her and it’s in her home and you know, no one Gosh, that just makes me happy. Yeah. And then I got involved with the MS Society of California. And they had like an auction nice to raise money. And I did the walk and everything. It was very emotional. It was my first thing and I donated a piece and at auction for over 10 and a half grand.
Dr Sabina Brennan 29:51
Oh my goodness. How did that make you feel?
Lauren White Murphy 29:55
Jamie. I was like okay, now we have to go this is what we have to do. This is it. Hey, Is it? It’s making people happy. was making me to license you know, I created up in my apartment and somebody has borrowed for over 10 and a half grand. Yeah, yeah, that’s pretty amazing. And that’s why I always donate pieces to charities and stuff. I did one there for the Kume the premature baby unit because I have a senator a baby, where are you? I was I was born 28 weeks.
Dr Sabina Brennan 30:25
So you did it for the neonatal intensive care unit or premature babies unit yet?
Lauren White Murphy 30:30
The premature babies units? Yeah. So I was there. I was three months early, that four and one pound nine ounces? Well, so I feel like I came into the world of buying and you know, I only keep giving or buying whatever I do, you know. So that’s why like, I love donating pieces to any organizations close to my heart. And if anyone’s listening, they can contact him because
Dr Sabina Brennan 30:51
he is absolutely incredible. And you currently actually have an exhibition? I do. Yes. Tell us a little bit about that.
Lauren White Murphy 31:01
So I have an exhibition going on in the IFSC Custom House Plaza in Dublin one. And it’s a beautiful atrium, there’s glass walls, overhead, the light, and it’s just fantastic. And my vibrant, big huge paintings, and I actually use diamond dust and gold and just really luxurious. The Beverly Hills thing to me, you know, everyone needs a bit of glitz and glam their life and just when the light shines in just beautiful autism. And you know what? It’s been really successful. I’ve sold seven. So Wow. Yeah. And I’m only there two weeks.
Dr Sabina Brennan 31:38
That’s brilliant. Yeah, thank you. Brilliant I had intended to get in. But unfortunately, we’re isolating in our house because my husband has cold. Yeah, no. But I will definitely get in because it’s running till 2022.
Lauren White Murphy 31:49
There’s no way to I also I don’t know if it’s appropriate now. But I want to give you something because you’ve been very inspiring to me because I know that you have acted. Yes. And that you have gone and done your neuroscience and everything. But I did a painting and I want to give it to you. And this is this.
Dr Sabina Brennan 32:12
Oh my god. I love this.
Lauren White Murphy 32:15
It’s called the Roosevelt lady. So I painted my version of a lady but the Roosevelt pool and Hollywood.
Dr Sabina Brennan 32:21
Oh my god.
Lauren White Murphy 32:23
I just thank you because you know,
Dr Sabina Brennan 32:26
you don’t have to do that, but I’m definitely accepting.
Lauren White Murphy 32:31
Yeah, and you know, you just been very good and very inspirational. I just want to let you know that I’m really really grateful you’ve been very helpful to me and
Dr Sabina Brennan 32:39
Oh, you were just such a sweet. I’ve just bought a new house. And it’s by the water I have to be by the water. So do I have to be by the water and I’ve also gained well I’m not gonna say how much I’ve gained. And I’m dying to get back so I will use that as my
Lauren White Murphy 32:56
inspiration. That’s your house form and present there. Oh
Dr Sabina Brennan 32:59
my god. Well, you will have to come down and visit me because it is a fabulous place. Were you into watersports when you’re in LA surf? I can surf Yeah. Hey, well, there’s no waves. It’s on the lake and definitely got it. We got it. But I’m terrified. I’m having nightmares every night that the sail is not going to go well because it’s just my dream place. manifest God parts you’ve just completely blown me away. No, absolutely. Oh my god. Anyway, so this urge to paint and guys, you have to check it out. I’ll put some links on the blog for this episode. Because your paintings are amazing. You’ll find learn and it’s funny when I was talking to my editor about when you know you have to plan the whole season out on what date so and so going on. And when are we recording? And I was just calling you Lolo, Papa.
Lauren White Murphy 33:47
Everyone tells me Lolo that’s really my brother. There’s like 13 years between us he could never say my name and he was a kid so he used to call me low low and it just stuck. And then the name just came I was like no look up. All my closest people I got lollipop lollipop, you know, and it’s nice.
Dr Sabina Brennan 34:03
Yeah, it’s a great name. So you will find you if you go on Instagram is probably the best place to see lots of your work. Lola pop art a lot of pop worlds.
Lauren White Murphy 34:11
I change it to lollipop worlds because I know that I’m very excited. Now there’s a few things so like I’m designing apparel. Okay,
Dr Sabina Brennan 34:20
wow. Apparel close to you and I
Lauren White Murphy 34:24
thing cleansing nice, lovely clothing. I’m going to to kind of do a few different things. And then my website will be Lolo pop world world because we’re just in a load of Hopper after that. That’s my that’s it.
Dr Sabina Brennan 34:36
I love watching fashion shows. I love watching interior design shows. Like my creative kind of spirit. I’m so excited about I already have done a 3d model of the new house and what’s going where, but there’s a fashion design show on Netflix. Oh, it’s with the blonde model. Heidi Klum. It had been going for years but then they switched over and now it is a Netflix show And it’s basically instead of just people from the general public doing the design, they have designers doing it. So they’re kind of maybe younger or smaller designers or whatever. But one of them that I think she came second, I thought she should have won. But she was actually quite the counterpoint to you. But I loved her designs. She was from Berlin, and her word I can’t remember. I think it was Bridget’s world or something like that. But everything was black. Oh, everything was just everything. But her design. Ah, it was magnificent stuff. But quite the opposite of view. But yeah, it’s amazing. Like, what’s your process? You have so many pieces of art for somebody who’s not painting very long. So you’re like, really prolific.
Lauren White Murphy 35:42
Thank you. Thanks very well.
Dr Sabina Brennan 35:46
You’re not I should say I’m a wheelchair, a video clip for this. But Lauren actually is in a sling and a cast. You broke your elbow.
Lauren White Murphy 35:54
Oh, Jean. So oh, you broke so I actually fractured my elbow. Ah, this is from Ms falls. We call them Ms. Falls, McClaren can’t get up and down the stairs properly every day. So yeah, I went to the hospital there this morning on yesterday. And now they’re saying I have even tendon damage and nerve damage. So I can’t use it at all. I can’t use my arm at all for four weeks. So
Dr Sabina Brennan 36:20
painting can you pay with your left hand?
Lauren White Murphy 36:22
Oh, I paint. Yeah, I use both hands on a paint that’s still dripping wet. Mm hmm. So I
Dr Sabina Brennan 36:27
have to go back to this phenomenon, really. And I’m going to do a booster shot on Thursday, especially about this. Okay, so I won’t go into too much detail. But we’ve heard of autistic savant, right. So that would be Rain Man. Mm. Or it’s a classic film. I’m sure most people know about it. But it’s generally almost this obsessive ability to count numbers are no the streets of cities or the directions or the words to novels or whatever. So usually, that’s called kind of a congenital Savant syndrome. So about 50%, of cases of Savant syndrome. So it means being, I suppose, a genius in a way, but it usually refers to someone who either has autism or an intellectual disability, and then suddenly, they have this incredible ability. And it’s usually around mathematics, art, music, RLS, just as obsessive ability to remember numbers or do complex numbers, even if they might be able to do sums, I might be able to tell you the prime number of every prime number and just a really weird phenomenon.
Lauren White Murphy 37:29
So are you saying I am a genius.
Dr Sabina Brennan 37:33
What I’m, what I am going to move on to say is one other instance that can happen is as a consequence of a brain injury, or a neurological disease or condition. And we also come across in Alzheimer’s disease, that some individuals suddenly develop artistic skills that they never had. So I’m not saying that this is necessarily the case with you. But it is very interesting, because you never painted before. Never. And you are an exceptional painter on your art is exceptional and stunning. And I’m actually seeing now I’m no art critic, but I’m kind of seeing it progress in your art. Oh, absolutely. Dimensionally your art a lot of it is really very much is pop art. Yeah. So you do things like Wonder Woman or Jersey Shore people or
Lauren White Murphy 38:19
I did them because I was watching TV. I was watching reruns of all these reality shows. And I said that would be the easiest people to get the art and they’ll post about it. You know? Yeah, it was my business. That’s their business. My Yeah, that’s really funny, because I actually speak to a couple of them from it. I’ve made friends. Yeah, I have not met yet, you know, and that our celebrities or whatever, yeah, we’ve remained in contact. And I’m doing that with art. Like, they would connect. Oh, it’s
Dr Sabina Brennan 38:48
just incredible. And people are amazed when there is a piece of art about them. It’s kind of a funny feeling, you know, but I’ve seen actually really just and I think you have one or two of them in your exhibition, you’ve started to move more into your MS. Brain and head I think a little bit now I don’t know, correct me if I’m wrong, but there’s one. That’s amazing at the moment. And I saw on Instagram that a lot of people loved it. And it’s the one of the brain. And I’m always talking about Have you ever looked at it? You ever looked at a rainbow online? No. Oh, God, you have to look at rainbows. Oh my god. Whoa, forget your DS shore. Oh, you’re right. So Google Brain bow. Okay. And basically what it is, is everyone listening can Google it as well. So basically, it’s a particular dyeing procedure where scientists dye different neurons different colors. Just to show this. The colors are your art
Lauren White Murphy 39:46
colors. Yes. It’s that real vibrant, surreal, vibrant
Dr Sabina Brennan 39:50
colors. And these are brain cells and brain connections. And when I give my talks I say forget about this beige crinkly mask that you think of when When you think of the brain, this is what you need to think of when you think of your brain. You’ve got 86 billion neurons, trillions of connections, it is the most vibrant organ on the planet. I’m dying to see the inspiration coming from though.
Lauren White Murphy 40:12
Thank you for that. Yeah, incredible
Dr Sabina Brennan 40:15
Lauren White Murphy 40:16
they? Oh, my God, they actually I’ve actually hair standing up in my arms. But like, you can see the artwork behind the kind of you know, and that’s the joke or for a film book.
Dr Sabina Brennan 40:27
Oh, I see it. I see it. I
Lauren White Murphy 40:28
see now. So I do use all those covers for you do? The majority of my art is gone. It’s in town.
Dr Sabina Brennan 40:35
Yeah. And guys, you just got to go in and see it. It’s fabulous. Um, I’ve only ever seen it online because of lockdown. So you’re dying to see it in person? Because these are big pieces of art? Oh, yeah. The bigger the better. Yeah, no, fabulous. And the color is just so joyous to see. And for me, it’s always reminded me of the brain, you know, I always think of the brain as these neurons, another thing to look up as diffusion tensor imaging, and that also shows the tracking of messages being sent around the brain. And actually, that’s what I saw in this new painting you have of the brain, you can see what I mean, it’s like, it’s like you’ve done a brain bow, but in a broad stroke, as if it was kind of just said this,
Lauren White Murphy 41:15
they’ll face isn’t it? That yeah, yeah. So that was actually during an MS flare. So I actually started to think that my most popular pieces are generally when I’m having an MS flare. Okay, that’s interesting, too.
Dr Sabina Brennan 41:29
I think it’s interesting. I think it’s fascinating. I think when you do get your appointment to see a neurologist or to think you should talk to them about it, and I think they’d find it interesting. I think there’s people do research in this area. Like, it’s interesting is it that see a lot of us, you know, our frontal lobes do a lot of inhibiting of our behaviors. And that’s kind of good in the most part, it inhibits us, you know, prevents us from taking unnecessary risks, and things like that. And some of us, I would be very rule governed in that way. You know, my frontal lobes would actually, in a lot of instances, they’d be checking on me to make sure is that a wise thing to do? Should I do it? And then in other instances, I could be very relaxed and just go for it. But what’s interesting is, is that, do some neurological conditions, unlock something or allow the creativity that’s perhaps there in everybody? Yeah, I believe to be on least I definitely think there’s something like that. And that’s one of the reasons in a way, we connected as I said, literally over that interview, but I was fascinated by what had happened to you. Obviously, you were always creative. But I was also that was going to be one of my questions to you. And you sort of answered it. Was that you feel you lost some of your is it that you’ve lost some of your musical creativity or your language for writing? Because you did lyrics and music? Yeah,
Lauren White Murphy 42:45
I did everything. Yeah, of course.
Dr Sabina Brennan 42:47
Lauren White Murphy 42:51
Oh, my God, I’m sorry. I don’t mean Cenotaph. Oh, no,
Dr Sabina Brennan 42:54
no, no, no, I guess it’s funny. It’s a little bit of a control thing. And yet you love being part of a team. A team? Oh, yeah, yeah. But you know, you’re you’re a Gemini, aren’t you? Yeah, I’m a Gemini too. So I get that there’s some things that I loved acting, because it was part of a team and you all create the thing together. But then there’s other things where, you know what, I really just can’t trust other people, because they just won’t do it bloody well, really, they won’t do it the way I do. I just won’t do it the way I do and be good enough, and you know, you take too much on and that’s why we mentioned Emily as my editor on the show, and like it’s rare for me to have someone that I feel I can trust like this, just a few people where I go, I trust you because they just show themselves that they can be trusted. It’s awful. But it’s not funny, isn’t it? I love collaborating. You know, I love that I think working with people for ideas. I think that’s amazing. Yeah, I think then it’s the execution of the ideas sometimes where other people fall down. Yeah. But I love bouncing off other play.
Lauren White Murphy 43:54
I absolutely love and that’s why I think life is about we’re not here living on our own to another mean we’re not on the economy individually on our own. We’re not
Dr Sabina Brennan 44:03
so you back home with your mom at the moment or with your fiance. My
Lauren White Murphy 44:07
fiance we actually just sold our house. So we’re moving in back with mommy for a while right. moving in with her mother. So just to save and hopefully get our house by the water. I need to be by the water.
Dr Sabina Brennan 44:22
I’ll have to be by the water I have to have I’ve lived beside the water all my life. And I actually literally have lived in Qatar for like, pretty much since I was born like you know I’m so the view. It is lovely. But I’m still so the opposite of you. I moved to Malahide for four years when I got married first and couldn’t wait to get back here. And I just sort of said with lockdown and all those things. No, I now want that space. I want that water. I’ve learned a lot of time working from home and I’m very happy in my own company doing that. Yeah, but it will be nice to look at a lake as opposed to the back of other people’s houses and I love the people around me but I just feel I need that. Oh, yeah, yeah, I kind of need that. And I was down there during the week the survey was being done. And the man who owns it is wonderful. He’s an eight year old man. And he’s kind of moving on. And I’ve said to him already, you can come visit because he’s created this beautiful garden and his wife passed away during COVID.
Lauren White Murphy 45:16
But I could have stayed there all day. It just tranquil. Yeah, uh,
Dr Sabina Brennan 45:19
yeah, I mean, I really could have sent a message that said, You know what, guys, I’m going to stay here till the sailors.
Lauren White Murphy 45:27
Already here, make your own dinners.
Dr Sabina Brennan 45:30
I’m already here in my head. This is where I want to be. But I’m terrified, terrified,
Lauren White Murphy 45:35
no talented, keep a positive manifest. I believe in manifest. And I love the book law of attraction. That’s another thing. Yes, you know, things like that. I think it is mind over matter and what you put out. And then obviously, when I have my bad days, and I’m like, Oh, I’m missing my energy flow. The next day, I’m like, you know,
Dr Sabina Brennan 45:54
delete, it’s gone. It’s all a new day. It’s always a new day. I like to think of it as manifesting, you can make things happen, you manifest your own future. So it’s the kind of the same of the law of attraction that I propose you’re talking about is you attract the things that you want to you, I will kind of say, your brain is so powerful that you can manifest the things that you want. It’s not magic, it doesn’t appear from anywhere, but
Lauren White Murphy 46:18
it doesn’t fall into your lap. You have no orphan do it, you have
Dr Sabina Brennan 46:22
to work, but you have to know you see, you have to know what it is you’re working towards. Yeah, you know, you kind of have to know those things. And you also have this bit SILAC though, you know, the bravery and the tenacity that you have, and the sheer take neck is what we would call it and I actually haven’t picked one up in RTE, you know, like,
Lauren White Murphy 46:40
Oh, I’ll be there again. I said I’d be better again. I’ll be knocking on Artie. Yeah, you know, absolutely. Because I’m always open to opportunities for anything at all. I’m only 33 You know, and I passed when I when I was six weeks before my 30th birthday. I got the diagnosis. I toss this this to life sentence might think that yes, I did. Oh, I did, because I just was not feeling right. And I was like, all my dreams, everything. It’s gone, it’s gone. Because I found out I’ve made me dreams, and I’m connecting people and bringing happiness to communities, my family homes in Crumlin. I did a mural for Chrome in the United Football Club rice. And every day I met all the locals and I had just come back from LA and I gave them my story and they just thought it was outstanding. And it’s you know, people post about it. They messaged me, I’m doing another mural now when this aren’t dispatcher I’m doing it and problem village of all the Dublin 12 legends you know, so Phil Lenise Gabriel Byrne.
Dr Sabina Brennan 47:43
Fabulous. No, it’s not the one I remember seeing one mural you did? I thought it was on a school wall. Is that
Lauren White Murphy 47:48
the one you do know the school wall was for? That’s it? Was it
Dr Sabina Brennan 47:51
like colored pencils or something?
Lauren White Murphy 47:54
Yeah. 100 pencils. There was the the Marvel characters and actually that was for school crowd on and rathcoole. Were the beginning children. Yeah. When should explain
Dr Sabina Brennan 48:05
a little because we have a lot of listeners from the UK as well. So okay,
Lauren White Murphy 48:09
so we had a very tragic event in Dublin, year, year and year and a half ago. And three kids were murdered by their mother, awful circumstances. The dad, Andrew, who I speak to occasionally and I will be doing some work with him to help charities. Yes, she was very ill. And I got contacted to paint something to remember them. So they wanted all of their favorite characters. So I actually spoke to their class, their classmates, yeah, and told me every single favorite character of them, and I just did it and those kids faces the moon story as well. That’s what I wanted to do. Like, that’s I want to bring happiness. That’s I think that’s what I’m here for just to bring happiness to people. And if I can do that, your art and color, I’m flying.
Dr Sabina Brennan 48:59
Yeah, I think people don’t understand the joy that you can get from giving. Like, we all need money, we need money to survive, we need money, but money doesn’t bring you joy. Directly. It’s indirectly you know, maybe what you can buy things. And in fact, things don’t bring you joy. There is nothing. I did some work in Dash school. Years ago, I developed a brain health forgets program. I’ve never managed to get it funded. But I really think we need to tell kids from very young age, how important their brain is and start looking after them. So just with my own money, I kind of developed a six week program that fitted him with the school curriculum, and teaching them about the importance of physical exercise for the brain of social engagement. And it just had little, you know, it was a little sticker book, and they learned about why the particular thing was good for your brain what it did. And then they had to do it. They had to kind of draw what they did or write about it. And it was things like the school loved it because it had things like if you see someone in the art who’s not talking to anybody go over and talk to them, because their brain needs stimulation from other people. It just gave a different age. to it as opposed to someone else alone. It was Yeah, brain needs to be stimulated by you talking to them.
Lauren White Murphy 50:06
These times, you know, like, well, in this school, I
Dr Sabina Brennan 50:08
was horrified to hear you know about people wearing stab vests and things like that in the locality because of gang issues. And a lot of the children were dealing with very challenging circumstances and maybe no electricity in the home. And we’re not sleeping but actually interesting in that was one of the things that they had to do was switch off their devices an hour before bed. And it was the only thing the kids couldn’t do. Oh, my God. Yeah, I was even
Lauren White Murphy 50:35
saying that though. We’re probably going way off topic, but it is your brain, how’s the social media can be a curse, I know, I would not be able to go to school, and have you know, Facebook, and whatever there is Instagram. Imagine going back in time and about all happening? Oh, my God, would I just wouldn’t have went down? Well,
Dr Sabina Brennan 50:57
no, none of that existed when I was little. And some of it is very good. For us when there was no mobile phones, when there was actually house phones, were really only for your parents, you had to ask permission to use phone, you know, and you had no way of contacting someone. And that was quite lonely. Because if people didn’t call for you, yeah, you had no friends, you had no one to talk to you had no one to play with. And then sometimes you might go out and wander and see. And then you might see them all together, you know, oh, why didn’t they call for me? I know. There was different challenges. Yeah, I’m not saying it was all rosy and perfect. And there was different challenges. And certainly I have some, some memories like that, that aren’t the most pleasant. But it’s nothing in a way compared to your life on social media for all the world to see. And I see it, I see it. Now I go out for walks. And I see, I saw three gorgeous little kids, I’d say they’re about 11, you know, but they’re walking by something. And immediately their reaction was found the phone up and to pose in different angles in the Pentagon. It’s just all about the image. And that’s huge. Oh, I don’t know. And I
Lauren White Murphy 52:03
am not like that. I probably was at one stage. Looking back on my Instagram from years ago, I probably was a little bit like that. But times have changed so much. And I think it’s just it’s overuse the term over overexposed to
Dr Sabina Brennan 52:16
- Yeah, I mean, I don’t know. It’s just making it a focus on the central and I think it impacts on things like not just self esteem, but who you think you are. Because we’re all editing the photos that go online like I’m you know, in a way even coming here to interview you. I’m editing myself because I was in bed on more than die and sick. I had my hair in a ponytail I had PJ’s on, I looked like depth. And I said, I can’t go on the screen like that, you know, and why shouldn’t I be able to do you know what I mean? But I just couldn’t. So you edit yourself and you kind of go okay, yeah, I admire people who don’t feel the desire to do that. But by the same token underneath it. I’m a nasty person that say what they know to brush their hair. Hey, I know I’m a nasty person. But I won’t say it out loud. In my living room,
Lauren White Murphy 53:08
but it’s an Irish thing. I
Dr Sabina Brennan 53:09
think. Do you think I do happen in LA?
Lauren White Murphy 53:13
No, because you just have to be on the ball and gorgeous all the time.
Dr Sabina Brennan 53:17
Everybody, you don’t make it in LA unless you’re absolutely like stunning. And they have this generational sin this, I think
Lauren White Murphy 53:25
it’s a joke. It’s a mess that they need to just, you know, reboot that city, they need to reboot, reset and start again, because it’s just too much.
Dr Sabina Brennan 53:34
I remember being in a movie here over I think it was in Roger Corman studios over in the west of Ireland and the lead actress. She must have been like minus zero tiny and I remember saying to one of the crew, and at the time I was quite slim Aloma seem like I feel grossly morbidly obese beside this woman because she is so tiny. And I know I’m in within my healthy range. And he just said it’s inbred into them, you know, generations are most of them being skinny, skinny or whatever.
Lauren White Murphy 54:03
They’re not happy. They’re not happy and be quite a little.
Dr Sabina Brennan 54:07
I don’t know.
Lauren White Murphy 54:08
I just don’t think so. You know,
Dr Sabina Brennan 54:10
I think that’s what I love. One of the reasons I connected with you is because you found your happiness and you’ve found happiness in a way that is giving other people joy and happiness. What I do have to say though, I love your art rice lovers, so this isn’t an either or. Okay, but that voice of yours needs to be heard. Oh my really? Oh, I know people use that term, the voice of an angel but Oh, it’s so sweet. I can feel it. Now. I actually have the Goosebumps it just washes over you. It’s beautiful. I
just don’t know who to believe
to have these feelings. I’m
just not too sure. But the welding on No, no, I believed any years somehow. I’m glad that you can see
You can never
you can never hurt my pride. Even if you make me cry
you can never break my soul. You can never hurt me. No no.
It’s you that is
cause a show you can never break.
You can never hurt
even if you make me cry
you can never hurt me. No, no, no. It’s you
Dr Sabina Brennan 56:47
don’t let that go
Lauren White Murphy 56:49
after boost to me. No, because I really, I don’t know if it was just no confidence yours go with the whole singing? I don’t know. Well, hi. Thank
Dr Sabina Brennan 56:57
you so much. Oh, it’s a wonderful talent. And folks like I can’t remember what you’re called on your SoundCloud. You don’t have much on the SoundCloud I
Lauren White Murphy 57:03
mean now, but I had to take it off. Yeah, yeah. A couple that
Dr Sabina Brennan 57:07
are there. What’s your sound code called?
Lauren White Murphy 57:08
I think it’s Laura. Laura. Mike Murphy.
Dr Sabina Brennan 57:10
I think it’s lauren white Murphy. You’ll find it anyway, I found it quite easily googling it. And I might even put a link to your SoundCloud. Yeah. And if people wanted to be on the blog for this episode, you have been so wonderful to talk to. I mean, I know that you’ve been an inspiration to people listening. You are a real survivor, but also really a thriver. I don’t know if that’s a word. But you know what I mean, you’re taking as you just said, there, you thought it was the end of your life. And I say that, and it is it in some way it did mark an end of a life that you hadn’t imagined for yourself. Yeah. But sometimes the life we imagined for ourselves isn’t as good as the life we end up creating.
Lauren White Murphy 57:52
That’s what I learned. That’s what I left definitely learned. Everything I thought would make me the happiest and everything you know, I wished for and I wouldn’t have been happy. I don’t think so I’m happy. I’m so happy now. I’m happy even that I’m able to talk about my experience that can be so difficult, that it can give somebody else a bit of insight and a little bit of reassurance that everything’s gonna be okay. Yeah. And don’t fall into that negativity. I do have days Sabina where I am crying down the phone to my mom, crying down to my dad. But that’s me. That’s my feeling. I said to my mom, this morning, I cry because it’s near the frustration. I want to go to the gym and be lifting weights and doing all of this like I used to. It’s just a frustration. It’s a part of me that I just had to let go. And I’ll find other ways to come swimming again, you know, things like that. You always just have to kind of look for alternatives.
Dr Sabina Brennan 58:52
I think you’re very early in your diagnosis as well. So like it’s incredible. For a lot of people with MS. The diagnosis is a journey. I remember meeting a girl actually, I think it was at that same conference in Lithuania. And she was about 26. And she’d only received her diagnosis. And she just said Ms has become my whole life. All I’ve done is think about Ms. Since I was diagnosed, I understand that what I had said in my talk was how about you allocate Tuesday afternoons to your MS thinking about day, and the other six and a half days of the week to your doing other stuff and living and enjoying life? And just compartmentalize it in a way think about the words and she said she just found that so helpful, because she was thinking about it. 24/7 And she said, That’s it, it concerns you. Yeah, I can totally imagine. And I think it’s a grief. I mean, I think it’s like a bereavement because it is taking away and similarly with brain injuries. I talked to a guy, a lawyer a couple of weeks ago on the show about concussion, and he was talking about it that way you know the bereavement or loss of what you had before, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world and it can open up Opening Doors. Yeah. And it’s not all happy, happy. And that’s what I love about you, you know, you’re honest about. I mean, that’s I think, in a way, that’s one of the problems of social media is that most people present the best bits, yes, you know, we curate our photographs suddenly pick out all the best bits. And then there’s the other extreme, where there’s the negative gang who only pick out the negatives, and they just keep pointing out. And you know, the government does this wrong, and that round, and they just focus on the negative, there is that kind of a happy medium, and we all have both, we have positives and negatives, and it’s about kind of trying to balance them. Just before we started recording this. And I hope you don’t mind talking about it. You were saying that you get a bit nervous when it comes to talking about your diagnosis.
Lauren White Murphy 1:00:46
It brings you back to a not so nice time in my life. And and it’s just very difficult. Sorry, no, I’m
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:00:56
sorry. No, I upset you. But I Yeah, no, no, no, no, just
Lauren White Murphy 1:00:59
this is this is the emotion, its powers of it just brings me back to an awful time in my life and where I had nobody, and I’m so proud of myself that when I went through this alone, I know my family don’t like to hear that they were always on the other end of the phone, but I went through it alone. So I do feel like, I feel so strong, and I can get through anything. But I do when I go to talk about it with people. I get this anxiety. I was in LA there the summer and I had to drive by the hospital, I got diagnosed and I had to pull over and wring home, I was like, I’m freaking out. And that would not be me. It’s like a post traumatic stress thing, you know. And that’s why as well, like I’m having difficulty with going to hospitals. I don’t like hospitals, especially during this time,
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:01:48
but it’s an especially you’re vulnerable. You feel very vulnerable when you have MS.
Lauren White Murphy 1:01:52
I’m not as quick to think anymore. i And people used to say I was a wordsmith. I don’t know, the lyric writing, you know, and I just don’t feel like that anymore. And that hurts my heart. You know? Yeah.
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:02:05
But I don’t think that’s permanent. Do you? No, no, no, I don’t think that’s permanent. You are very early, as you said, you’re still waiting on MRIs. And when you kind of get sorted when you get a bit more balanced maybe and prioritize your sleep and find a way to exercise. You have broken elbow and tendon damage and all the rest and
Lauren White Murphy 1:02:23
medication. I think that needs to level because in America, they just throw you on everything. I’ve tried all of the top ms drugs, and they’ve made it very, very sick. Okay, then the last bout of drugs, I’m still on, and I’m doing well. But I was told to up the dose without getting an MRI. And that just baffles my mind, you know, saying that. So I don’t want to be playing around with things. But I do notice the difference. I do notice that I have to go and probably have my medication even more changes. Yeah, it’s a trial and error.
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:02:55
I think it is. And over the years. I’m not an MS. expert, but I have spoken to a lot of people over the years. And it does seem to be the thing of finding the right thing. But it is also a combination, your lifestyle and your attitude will impact
Lauren White Murphy 1:03:07
hugely as well as dress also. Stress. Yeah,
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:03:11
absolutely. Yeah. And you just got divorced.
Lauren White Murphy 1:03:15
It is all unicorns and rainbows. But I try to limit stress I try. And if I do start to feel stress, I have people I can talk to, or I just get the paintbrush out and just deal with it later.
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:03:27
It’s having the tools. And I think you’ll get better at it. And you were only diagnosed three years ago. But as you said it took four years to get your diagnosis. Yeah. And I’ve heard people wear it 710 years. And that’s impacts on how you feel about stuff because I don’t know about you. Did you kind of feel a bit you were gone mad?
Lauren White Murphy 1:03:46
Did I was I still feel like I’ve gone mad. But it’s like them, you’re out of reality. It’s nearly like you’re looking down on yourself and going is this really happening to me? Right? You know, that’s how I feel. Sometimes I can’t get the words to explain it. I’ll draw a picture. Explain it, unfortunately. But I
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:04:08
think as you said they’re like, as you said, you feel you’re you have some language issues. Now. It doesn’t come across here. Now. I don’t know you before you had Ms. So I can’t make that comparison. I know the best person to make that comparison. As you you will know how fluid you feel. And that’s a very common symptom of brain fog is that fluidity of language but the thing is that can improve so it’s not necessarily that it’s gone completely you can actually kind of work on it and trainers ago Yeah, he would work on improving your guitar skills. Absolutely. Oh, you can kind of start on managing stress and sleep and all that will help but I think the interesting thing and I do write about it in my book is brain fog isn’t the impact of it isn’t given the seriousness that it deserves. Because the amount of people who say that they feel like they’ve lost themselves and you kind of touched on it there isn’t. I’ve lost a bit of me and it’s very true because we kind of are back Hey viewers, and if part of your behavior was that you were brilliant wordsmith, and then you can’t do that, that feels there’s a bit of you missing, you know, but then you didn’t use to be a brilliant artists that can pop into that space anyway as well. Yeah, no. My own brain was failing me a little bit, because I’m a bit under the weather. What I was talking about there, it’s called sudden Savant syndrome. I love these terms. So really, savant is another word for genius. They used to use terrible terms, you know, like mental retardation. Oh, it’s 50. Yeah, but now they kind of, you know, but actually at 50% of cases, it’s got nothing to do with that, but it doesn’t make sense, you know, if something different is going on in your brain,
Lauren White Murphy 1:05:42
especially, like when the years apart, you know, yeah, one thing your practice and doing one thing for so long, like playing music, etc, etc. And then it’s just gone. And then you find something else, you know, yeah, no,
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:05:53
and it was for me when I was reading. I was reading various interviews you did. And you know, you described it in some of those as you just had this urge to
Lauren White Murphy 1:06:00
urge. That’s exactly what it’s like going to the loo like, honestly. Adam nowhere. Yeah. And then it’s not like I went, Oh, I go to the shop later on. Now, I got about a bad left. Yeah, in 15 minutes to get started. There is
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:06:16
definitely a turns by it. Like, there’s a little bit of an obsessive component to it. You know, I get that with creativity. In any negative well, I know. But if I get in the zone, yeah, I’m in the zone. And it’s, I do nothing else. I have this just singular focus. And I can even do that we’re cleaning. Do you know, like, it’s just Okay, gonna do the house from top to bottom? Or decorating my husband? We can do it a bit of time? No, I’m gonna do it all today. Yeah, I understand that you had a line in one interview? I think what he had said was, you go from 2% to 200%. I know that that’s it. You’re in overdrive. And then unfortunately, the batteries all run out. I mean, David, my husband used to describe me as like the Duracell body, you know, funny. The Duracell bunny? Not, were they Yeah, the rabbit just kept going round and round and round and round and round, and then it starts to slow down. Yeah, for years, he’s sort of been described me like that. That’s exactly what I do. You know, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ba, I mean, it’s just all gone. And I just need to lay down and recharge. And that could take anything from a couple of days to a couple of weeks. During that period, I can feel the incredible frustration, because my brain won’t work. I can’t even write one sentence. Like just not one sentence. And usually at that time, I get bad migraine, and just everything and pains in my body and everything. But yeah, I can’t even string a sentence together, you know, but I’ve never been great at making the balance work. And I suppose part of me, and it could be completely wrong. Part of me sees it as if my dad had found a passion, would he not have had a diagnosis that if he had a passion that he could have done, done, done, done and another step and then relaxed instead of he had nothing kind of going on in his life, then he would get really depressed. And you know, then kind of come back up. I mean, I wonder, you know, I just think that we have too many normal behaviors. And they just mean average behaviors, that’s what most people engage in. But on all different behaviors, there’s always going to be someone in I don’t know if you’re familiar with the bell curve. So it just means any behavior, like anything to do with humans like height, the average man will say, is five foot 10. So 66% of the population are around that height. But you’ll have some that are right up to seven foot and some that are 410. So that’s the bell curve. So for most things to do with being human, 66% of the population fall within that, and then the rest of us. So if you take soccer skills, most of us will be kind of average, some of us are really crap. And then some of us are earning 50,000 a week because you’re outstanding. So that kind of applies to everything. And I think people forget that. And they feel if they’re not within the normal range. First one thing, yeah, we say mood, that there’s something wrong with them. But is there really? Or are you just on the tail on that one? And that’s not everything of who you are, you know, in other things, you’ll be the top end? Yes. And then loads of other things. You’re right back in the middle with everyone else. I
Lauren White Murphy 1:09:06
can’t be all great at everything you know. Exactly. But
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:09:09
you did a pretty good job at lots of things. On that note, I love to end the podcast with asking my guests to give their tip for thriving and surviving in life. I mean, the whole episode has been an inspiration and
Lauren White Murphy 1:09:28
do I have any tips? Yes. And I say upset this since day one of my diagnosis for for people that are suffering, journal, a diary, diary write down everything. Even if you can string a sentence write down words because I managed to bring three or four diaries back from LA and I’ve read through them and I’ve just been like, Well, okay, I understand who I am. And it actually will make you stronger. When you look at where you’ve been, where you’re going, and where you can tenure to go. So I that’s all I would say and just be healthy and be happy. My tips be healthy and happy. It’s not the end of the world. We’re all gonna go one day make it the best possible life you possibly can.
Dr Sabina Brennan 1:10:16
My name is Sabina Brennan, and you have been listening to super brain the podcast for everyone with a brain. Super brain is a labor of love born of a desire to empower people to use their brain to thrive in life and attain their true potential. You can now go ad free on patreon.com forward slash super brain for the price of a coffee. Please help me reach as many people as possible by sharing this episode. Imagine if we could get to a million downloads by word of mouth alone. I believe it is possible. I believe that great things happen when lots of people do little things. Visit Sabina brennan.ie for the super brain blog with full transcripts, links and the like. Follow me on Instagram at Sabina Brennan and on Twitter at Sabina underscore brand and tune in on Thursday for another booster shot from me and on Monday for another fascinating interview with an inspiring guest. Thank you for listening